Cheat's Guide to Happiness

The Cheat's Guide to Happiness
By Jody Ekert,
Source: SameSame.com.au


It’s happiness month here on Same Same. In our quest to find an answer to “What makes you happy?” we sent Jody Ekert to a two day happiness workshop, armed only with a pen, some curiosity and a handful of hope. This week she gives us some shortcuts to a more joyous existence.

I’m always looking for shortcuts. So over the two days of the conference I took notes on any easy ways of increasing happiness. I didn’t want airy-fairy bullshit. I didn’t want a definition of happiness that was impossible to achieve. I wanted scientifically proven, practical suggestions to feel happier, whatever that actually meant.

The simpler or lazier the better I figured, and the more likely I would be to put the idea into practice. Then I hit upon the idea of trying to combine all of them into a kind of cheat’s guide to happiness. Below is the end result with some links for further reading. If you do follow one of these suggestions, or all of them, tell us how it works for you. We’d all love to know.

Give up on chasing more money.
This one was suggested by Daniel Gilbert. Increased money does not buy more happiness, beyond a level needed for survival. His book is called Stumbling on Happiness. Learn to live with what you earn right now, and adjust your spending if needed. If you’re over working yourself and neglecting other parts of your life for more money then stop!

Learn to trust and ask for the experiences of others.
We’re bad at predicting what will make us happy. But if we seek out someone who is currently living what we are thinking of living, this can guide us. Say, if you think a relationship will fix you, talk to people in relationships. If you think it’s living overseas or buying a house, talk to someone who has just gone through a house purchase or a move. You will probably find these people don’t think they are a million times happier than you.

Meditate.
Mediation has proved to increase the activity in an area of your brain called the insula, according to Dr Richard J Davidson. The insula is considered the area of “mind-body connection”.

An article in the New York Times claims:

“The insula ‘lights up’ in brain scans when people crave drugs, feel pain, anticipate pain, empathise with others, listen to jokes, see disgust on someone’s face, are shunned in a social settings, listen to music, decide not to buy an item, see someone cheat and decide to punish them, and determine degrees of preference while eating chocolate. Damage to the insula can lead to apathy, loss of libido and an inability to tell fresh food from rotten.”

Even as little as a two-week training course, or half an hour a day can help activate this area. Monks who mediate for eons have great insulas apparently. And that’s about as hippy and spiritual as I’ll get with this list. I promise.

Practice Gratitude.
One exercise is to think of someone in your life who has influenced you in a positive way, who is still alive to day. Ring them and tell them you are coming to visit but don’t tell them why. Then write 300 words on how this person has helped you and when you visit them, read it to them. This will probably lead to both parties crying, which is quite normal according to Dr Martin Seligman. Follow-ups show that for anyone who has done this there is a sustained increase in happiness, a decrease in depression and a more positive attitude toward past events – even many months after the visit.

On a daily basis, writing down five things you are grateful for also has a similar effect. I actually use a gratitude web site www.butterbeehappy.com that emails me every day and asks me to record my five things.

Volunteer.
Even two hours a week is enough to show improved levels of contentment and several of the speakers drilled in the importance of giving and it’s relationship to happiness.

Learn to use a bit of CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy).
CBT teaches you to recognise that even though you can’t control the world around you, you can choose how you respond to it and feel about it, and thus how you can choose your own consequences. It is a therapy used to help alleviate depression and change problem eating and behavioural patterns.

Here’s an example of the ABC technique:
A (Action): My friend didn’t ring me like they said they would.
B (Belief): Nobody cares for me. I must be unlovable.
C (Consequence): Depression, anxiety.

CBT would challenge you to pick a different belief. Like, oh, my friend must have been really busy. That allows for a different consequence, like perhaps picking up the phone yourself.

Visit friends.
A good social network can help with curing depression and even lower the risk of coronary heart disease and high blood pressure, according to Sophie Scott in her book Live A Longer Life.

Chocolate and red wine.
Two squares of dark, cocoa rich chocolate a day is all you need, and a glass of wine. The chemicals involved can make you feel happier and healthier, also according to Sophie Scott. Like you needed another reason.
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The Law of Attraction and 'Success' - What Is 'Success' Anyway?!

Everyone seems to strive to be 'successful' in life. We all look to apply the 'Law of Attraction' to gain 'success'.

But what is 'success'? What makes you successful, and what makes you a 'failure'?

To answer this question, let's first take a look at our world. Our societies are completely focused on our five senses of seeing, hearing, tasting, touching and smelling. Our five senses are constantly stimulated. They are enticed and exploited all the time.

It is therefore no surprise that we tend to focus our minds on materialism 24 hours per day. We tend to focus all the time on big cars, big houses, lots of money in the bank, and so on.

There is nothing wrong with that in itself. Neither does this mean that being
'spiritual' equals being poor and living in a dump. That doesn't make sense either. The problem is not with the 'material' objects themselves. I'll get back to this later.

First, I'd like to know this... So many people want to 'attract a new car'. But what is it with cars anyway? Somehow the car has become a symbol of status, of 'success'. I know a number of people (even some well-known ones) who are so obsessed with their cars, they even give names to their car.

A friend of mine had a car and was really proud of it. He called this car 'Infinity'. Another friend of mine doesn't care the least bit about what kind of car he drives. Still, he needed to buy a car the other day to be able drive to work. But because he didn't really care about it, he simply bought the first set of wheels that he liked even just a bit and of which he thought the price was right for him. "If I can drive to work and back with it, then that's a great car for me", he thought.

He bought himself a pretty old car to be honest. It certainly didn't look that fancy. The other friend would have dubbed it a piece of junk. But this guy couldn't care less. In fact, he could see the fun of it. In response to my other friend who called his car 'Infinity', this guy decided to give his car a name too. He called it 'Finity'.

I kid you not, this is a true story. What it illustrates is the relativity of 'status' and 'success'. What one person would consider being dignified, could be considered by the next person as pathetic.

Like I said, the trap is not with material objects themselves. These are just frequency patterns anyway. The problem comes when we see those objects as the ultimate goals and the very symbols of success that confirm whether we 'made it' in life or not.

It is for this reason that many people look to others to confirm to themselves if they are 'doing well' or if they are 'successful'. When you don't succeed in terms of big houses, big cars, big money, you are often considered as a 'failure', and often consider yourself as such.

The whole system thrives on consumption and the constant expansion of consumption, and the more we consume, the more we are considered to be 'successful'. This even leads to many people borrowing more of what they don't have and getting in even deeper trouble, simply to provide themselves the very things that should testify to others of their alleged 'success'.

So is this the kind of 'success' you are looking for?

What if I told you that the real success you are looking for is not having all kinds of material stuff, but is actually called 'happiness'?

After all, why would you want a lot of money, or a big house, or a big car? Why would
you want others to approve of you? In the end it all comes down to a desire for sense of security and happiness, and being able to live life on your own terms. The quest ends when you're happy and fulfilled.

But when are you happy and fulfilled?

Here's a hint from what a wise man once said:

"Money and fame do not happiness make."

Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with having a lot of money, or being well-known, or having big cars and big houses. These are all thought fields and are just experience. The problem is that so many people get absorbed in pursuing the material 'dream' that they forget about why they are doing that in the first place.

I believe it was John Harricharan who said this:

"Most people are so busy trying to make a living, they forget to make a life."

He's right. Most people are 'human doings' instead of 'human beings'.

The funny thing is that the greatest payoff from trying to get what you want through working with the 'Law of Attraction' comes from a state of being. It is a state of happiness, contentment and love and gratitude for what IS that gets you what you truly want.

At any rate, the greatest payoff from your attraction efforts does certainly not come from an obsession with ever more material stuff in the merry-go-round that gets faster by the day, for the sole reason to seek approval and confirmation of your 'success' from others, in order to compensate for a lack of self-esteem that is the cause of this obsession to begin with.

A sense of security, self-esteem and 'success' is found within yourself, not outside.

And the funny thing is that once you give up the obsession with possession and finally acknowledge your true self, the person who you really are deep inside, you seem to manifest what you want much more easily. When that happens, you can enjoy all kinds of material stuff as much as you like, if that's what you choose. You can choose to have a big car if you like. You can choose to live in a big house if that's what you want.

The difference is that you won't be controlled by the never-ending pursuit of these things. You won't be 'on the path to happiness and success' anymore. You would just BE happy instead, and from there you will allow things to manifest instead of chasing them forever. It's a small difference in perception, but with profound effects.

It is then that you will start to live life, instead of life living you.

So what is 'success'?

Success, my friend, is what you define it to be.

Now go manifest your success, whatever that is for you!

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Nicholas P. Kidd and Henk J.M. Schram are the instigators of the alleged
'Great Revolution', which provides the members with truthful instructions regarding the universal principles of life.

The Revolution is receiving increasingly widespread attention for its straightforward explanations and instructions with regard to complex issues, which are made understandable for people from all walks of life. In essence, the true secrets of the 'Law of Attraction' and the other 'Universal Laws' are explained in much clearer and practical ways than the 'enigmas wrapped in riddles' that usually characterize the descriptions of the Law of Attraction and its application.

More information on the Great Revolution, on joining and on the 'universal principles of life' (the true 'Universal Laws') can be found at Revolutioniz.com.